Of farts, transvaginal ultrasounds and empty gestational sacs
Yesterday, I got asked a very important question: "Nanay, is farting in school bad?"
And then the question asker, a five-year-old girl who shall henceforth be called the Octopus (or Octo for short), left me alone to dwell in my thoughts as she set out to mangle yet another page in her new Winnie the Pooh coloring book with her colored pencils.
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I wrote that eight days ago, but I did not really publish it because I was a bundle of nerves. You see, I had a transvaginal ultrasound (TVS) last November 13, as advised by the OB I visited on the 11th, which was prompted by two red lines on a home pregnancy test that I peed on on the 8th.
I could not wait to have the ultrasound, could not wait to see the little peanut inside me, even if I knew it would look more like an alien than a human being. I could not wait to feel that giddy feeling again, the same giddiness I felt when I first learned that I was going to have Octo. And I was doubly happy because Octo would see it too, the baby brother or sister she is very excited about.
I was very excited I did not even think of how much it might hurt to have a TVS (it was not really painful, but it was uncomfortable). Inside the ultrasound room, I was asked to take off my underwear and to lie down on the bed and cover myself from the waist down. The OB-sonologist went in the room, shoved the condom-clad probe in me (ouch) and started clicking random stuff on the ultrasound monitor. "Second baby?" she asked
"Hopefully," I replied. I did not want to say yes, not because I did not want the baby but because I do not like expecting something that might not happen - what if the pregnancy test was wrong? what if I am just making up my symptoms because I saw those two lines? what if it's an ectopic pregnancy and is the reason my shoulders have been hurting like hell for the past week? what will I tell Octo (she's really excited to be an "ate," an older sister)?
"Wala pa. Baka masyado pang maliit (I could not see anything, maybe it's still too small)." I knew it! "Gestational sac pa lang (I could see only the gestational sac. It's empty). Pa-repeat scan ka in two or three weeks (I suggest another scan two-three weeks from now)."
"Pero nasa uterus naman po (but the sac is in the uterus, right)?"
"Oo (yes). Pahintay na lang ng result (just wait for your results)." And then she went out the room.
I was disappointed. I was a bit relieved the pregnancy was in the uterus, and that the sonographic report said "early intrauterine pregnancy," but I did not know what to make of the empty gestational sac. I kept turning the report over in my hands, trying to make sense of it. Why is the sac empty? Does this mean there's no baby? But there's a yolk sac and it was measured, so that's got to mean something, right?
On the way home I was not talking much. Chai, bless his heart, knew exactly why and did not really say much. When we got home I immediately Googled "empty gestational sac 5 weeks" and read through different forums with moms saying only two things: "the baby is still too small, I had my ultrasound a week or two later and I saw the baby and its heart beating" and "it was a blighted ovum, I lost the baby." Two weeks! I had to wait two weeks till the next scan! What would I do till then?
Chai said, "Can I forbid you from reading about it? Just relax."
"You can try," I replied and went back to Googling.
I'm not going to be a hypocrite. I was not really expecting this baby. I wasn't too thrilled when I saw the results of the home pregnancy test. My mind immediately went to thinking about hospital costs and how difficult it is to juggle writing (I work from home), taking care of Octo and having another baby to raise (my breasts have been at rest for 1.5 years now, but I think they are still tired from feeding Octo until she was 3.5). But after the initial shock, I knew I wanted it. It was mine. It was ours - Chai's, mine and Octo's. It was going to be a new member of the family.
The two weeks went by slowly, but I lived to see the day, November 27, for the second scan. Chai could not come with me, and I thought against taking Octo with me in case the sac was still empty and she might be sad if I tell her there that there was no baby to look at. I went alone, and waited for the OB-sonologist for more than an hour (I was told she was in the OR or something).
She finally came, I was summoned to the ultrasound room, went through the motions and when I was finally lying down on the bed, the sonologist came in. "Ilang weeks na (how many weeks pregnant are you)?"
"Yung last time po, I measured 5 weeks, pero empty."
"Empty gestational sac? Pero may sac (but there was a sac)?"
"Opo (yes)."
"Ako gumawa (was I the one who gave you the scan)?"
"Opo."
"Ay sorry naman, di ko na maalala (sorry, I forgot I was the one who did the previous scan). Natalo ang Philippines, di ako makaget-over (I can't get over how Ms. Philippines lost in the Miss Universe Pageant)." I just had to chuckle. What the previous scan results have to do with the pageant, I would never know. "Meron na (it's here)."
I smiled. "May heartbeat na po (Can the heartbeat be detected)?" She nudged the monitor towards me.
"Nakikita mo yang gumagalaw (see that flickering part)?" And true enough, I saw the heartbeat. It was steady. I was at peace. I could stop freaking out and finally claim that I am pregnant.
Yesterday, I finally made a Facebook announcement - with Octo telling everyone in a video that we have a new baby and that he or she is 7 weeks old. All is well.
If you are trying to conceive, and are faced with an empty gestational sac on your first scan, please don't freak out or overthink as I did. It won't do you any good. Trust that your body is growing that little peanut, and that at this point, you need positive thoughts more than ever.
It was a legitimate question, and I (would like to think that I) have mastered the art of the poker face, so I answered matter-of-factly, "No. Farting is a natural body process, so it is not bad. But if you must fart, excuse yourself. Maybe go to the toilet, or away from everyone else." And as an afterthought, I said, "Why, did you fart in school?"
"No. Somebody farted and we covered our nose and I said 'gross' and when Teacher smelled it, she opened the door."
 |
| Haven't read the book...but Octo might need it in the future |
And then the question asker, a five-year-old girl who shall henceforth be called the Octopus (or Octo for short), left me alone to dwell in my thoughts as she set out to mangle yet another page in her new Winnie the Pooh coloring book with her colored pencils.
===================================================================
I wrote that eight days ago, but I did not really publish it because I was a bundle of nerves. You see, I had a transvaginal ultrasound (TVS) last November 13, as advised by the OB I visited on the 11th, which was prompted by two red lines on a home pregnancy test that I peed on on the 8th.
 |
| Image not mine, 'cause ewww. |
I could not wait to have the ultrasound, could not wait to see the little peanut inside me, even if I knew it would look more like an alien than a human being. I could not wait to feel that giddy feeling again, the same giddiness I felt when I first learned that I was going to have Octo. And I was doubly happy because Octo would see it too, the baby brother or sister she is very excited about.
 |
| Not exactly human-looking...yet |
I was very excited I did not even think of how much it might hurt to have a TVS (it was not really painful, but it was uncomfortable). Inside the ultrasound room, I was asked to take off my underwear and to lie down on the bed and cover myself from the waist down. The OB-sonologist went in the room, shoved the condom-clad probe in me (ouch) and started clicking random stuff on the ultrasound monitor. "Second baby?" she asked
"Hopefully," I replied. I did not want to say yes, not because I did not want the baby but because I do not like expecting something that might not happen - what if the pregnancy test was wrong? what if I am just making up my symptoms because I saw those two lines? what if it's an ectopic pregnancy and is the reason my shoulders have been hurting like hell for the past week? what will I tell Octo (she's really excited to be an "ate," an older sister)?
"Wala pa. Baka masyado pang maliit (I could not see anything, maybe it's still too small)." I knew it! "Gestational sac pa lang (I could see only the gestational sac. It's empty). Pa-repeat scan ka in two or three weeks (I suggest another scan two-three weeks from now)."
"Pero nasa uterus naman po (but the sac is in the uterus, right)?"
"Oo (yes). Pahintay na lang ng result (just wait for your results)." And then she went out the room.
I was disappointed. I was a bit relieved the pregnancy was in the uterus, and that the sonographic report said "early intrauterine pregnancy," but I did not know what to make of the empty gestational sac. I kept turning the report over in my hands, trying to make sense of it. Why is the sac empty? Does this mean there's no baby? But there's a yolk sac and it was measured, so that's got to mean something, right?
On the way home I was not talking much. Chai, bless his heart, knew exactly why and did not really say much. When we got home I immediately Googled "empty gestational sac 5 weeks" and read through different forums with moms saying only two things: "the baby is still too small, I had my ultrasound a week or two later and I saw the baby and its heart beating" and "it was a blighted ovum, I lost the baby." Two weeks! I had to wait two weeks till the next scan! What would I do till then?
Chai said, "Can I forbid you from reading about it? Just relax."
"You can try," I replied and went back to Googling.
I'm not going to be a hypocrite. I was not really expecting this baby. I wasn't too thrilled when I saw the results of the home pregnancy test. My mind immediately went to thinking about hospital costs and how difficult it is to juggle writing (I work from home), taking care of Octo and having another baby to raise (my breasts have been at rest for 1.5 years now, but I think they are still tired from feeding Octo until she was 3.5). But after the initial shock, I knew I wanted it. It was mine. It was ours - Chai's, mine and Octo's. It was going to be a new member of the family.
The two weeks went by slowly, but I lived to see the day, November 27, for the second scan. Chai could not come with me, and I thought against taking Octo with me in case the sac was still empty and she might be sad if I tell her there that there was no baby to look at. I went alone, and waited for the OB-sonologist for more than an hour (I was told she was in the OR or something).
She finally came, I was summoned to the ultrasound room, went through the motions and when I was finally lying down on the bed, the sonologist came in. "Ilang weeks na (how many weeks pregnant are you)?"
"Yung last time po, I measured 5 weeks, pero empty."
"Empty gestational sac? Pero may sac (but there was a sac)?"
"Opo (yes)."
"Ako gumawa (was I the one who gave you the scan)?"
"Opo."
"Ay sorry naman, di ko na maalala (sorry, I forgot I was the one who did the previous scan). Natalo ang Philippines, di ako makaget-over (I can't get over how Ms. Philippines lost in the Miss Universe Pageant)." I just had to chuckle. What the previous scan results have to do with the pageant, I would never know. "Meron na (it's here)."
I smiled. "May heartbeat na po (Can the heartbeat be detected)?" She nudged the monitor towards me.
"Nakikita mo yang gumagalaw (see that flickering part)?" And true enough, I saw the heartbeat. It was steady. I was at peace. I could stop freaking out and finally claim that I am pregnant.
Yesterday, I finally made a Facebook announcement - with Octo telling everyone in a video that we have a new baby and that he or she is 7 weeks old. All is well.
If you are trying to conceive, and are faced with an empty gestational sac on your first scan, please don't freak out or overthink as I did. It won't do you any good. Trust that your body is growing that little peanut, and that at this point, you need positive thoughts more than ever.
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